Pollbuzzer

I enjoy trying new things and I love to learn.  Another aspect of my blog will be to share these new ideas and experiences with you.  POLLBUZZER is a real time research company that pays $1. for each question you answer in the required timeframe.  They also pay for referrals.  Quick and easy.  You can get survey questions emailed to you or sent via text message.  If you answer the question with that day, $1. is sent to you in a short timeframe.  They pay me via Paypal.  They may have other payment options.  Check it out:

http://pollbuzzer.com/?r=NXdxczZMOEdnQkpqb29DU0huZVpmdz090

Believe...

After less than a week back in the office environment of my job, I had intense back pain and was feeling exhausted and discouraged.  If I am taking breaks and working deliberately slower, why can't I hack it without pain and exhaustion?  I guess that is the old superhero ways talking.  I was discouraged because I like to live wholeheartedly.  It can be agonizing to have to repeat the same thing everyday if my heart is not in it.  I am forever responsible but this is another difficult time.  I hope to use this experience as a stepping stone to better days.  In the meantime, it feels like a constant uphill climb.

Instead of the usual "push through approach", I am learning to listen to my body.  I'm learning that it is OK to rest if I'm tired.  It's OK to stop working to eat lunch.  I decided to take a day off and I scheduled a massage, ordered breakfast at a nice diner nearby and took a nap.  I needed time to rest and I didn't even feel guilty about taking the time to take care of myself.  This is new!  Over the weekend, I relaxed with family and friends and I started to feel better again.  My family and friends are the ones who care for me.  So many of you have been sending healing thoughts and prayers my way.  I often get texts, calls and emails of encouragement and it has been such an important part of this process. (Thank you!!!)

In my work environment, I feel like I have to guard my health and well being.  Sometimes I feel discouraged if I feel it slipping away.  It doesn't take long to feel overwhelmed and the feeling of losing control.  Day by day they say.  After taking a day off and taking it easy, and enjoying time with loved ones, I realized that the joy and peace and wholehearted energy I have wasn't stolen after all. 
I realized that I have a choice in all of this.  Before this journey, I would not have even considered taking a day off after a week of struggle.  Although I am in a difficult environment, I have a new mindset.  So today is Wednesday.  I wish it was Friday but I am thankful for a new day.  I am blessed and forever grateful. 

Good grief, not this crap again...

Day 6 back in the office environment and I am feeling it... Neck, shoulder, upper and lower back pain is back.  I am taking breaks and leaving on time.  These are new habits I'm learning.  I am trying to take it easy yet it feels like an uphill climb.  I play music at my desk when I can and this has also been helpful.  The pressure is still taking a toll.

  This is a quote from October 2011 that is meaningful to me:
" Don't stay where you are not valued.  It is so foolish to waste your life on those who don't celebrate your worth.  Move On." - Anonymous
In the dream I had last May, it was crucial to move on at the right time.  I hope that time is soon...

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" - Anais Nin

One Day

The old saying "One Day at a Time" is so good when I can remember it.  I am almost fully recovered from Bells Palsey and I will return to work in the office tomorrow.  I have been working all this time from home.  It has all been a difficult struggle.  When I think about tomorrow and the upcoming days in the high pressure, low appreciation environment, I feel anxious.  One day at a time.  Sometimes getting to the next meal is even more attainable... I am learning to ask for help when I need it.  This is new to my superhero tendencies.  I have had strong support in friends, family and even doctors. This support remains.  I've asked friends and family to reach out to me in anyway to remind me to take breaks and take care of myself.   Stay tuned for more of this journey...

Tell Them!

Encouraging words have always been meaningful to me.  I realize that this is not the only way to impact people.  I also see how kind, sincere, encouraging words are often rare... and precious.  
After a long struggle feeling overworked and pressured, then living with Bells Palsey and still feeling pressured to keep up, I started to feel depressed.  I was tired of trying so hard.  I wanted someone to care for me.  Since I was a little girl, I wanted peace.  I like to help people and one of my default modes is peacemaker and problem solver.  One of my long time goals is to make a difference in people's lives.  

During the recent depressing days, I pushed myself to go out with family and friends.  Part of this was for me and part was for them.  One of these nights was an awards ceremony for one of my nephews.  He was being awarded for academic success and I wanted to be there for him to support him.  Later that evening, as we were eating cookies in the school cafeteria, my brother was asked, "Who was your best teacher growing up?"  He quickly responded, "Melissa was."  When my brother was in elementary school, he attended the school that I was teaching at and he was in my class for a few years.  I was fairly new to teaching.  I was passionate and wholehearted.  I gave my best.  I didn't know until this night that I made such a great impact on my brother.  During my recent days and nights of depression, hearing that was like gold.  
Another time this past Easter, I was still feeling down and trying to heal.  Another one of my brothers was catching up with a cousin we grew up with.  He randomly mentioned that his favorite memory of Easter is when Melissa used to set up the egg hunts for "us kids."  Wow.  I remember having fun with the egg hunts.  I never knew that this became one of my cousin's favorite memories.  These two examples show how even a simple happy memory, or a kind word, or a thank-you-for-a-job-well-done a long time ago can be so meaningful.  It was like ointment to my wounds and strength in exchange for my weariness.  So, tell them!  You probably won't know exactly what the person is going through, but if you have any loving words that come to mind, tell them today!