Believe...

After less than a week back in the office environment of my job, I had intense back pain and was feeling exhausted and discouraged.  If I am taking breaks and working deliberately slower, why can't I hack it without pain and exhaustion?  I guess that is the old superhero ways talking.  I was discouraged because I like to live wholeheartedly.  It can be agonizing to have to repeat the same thing everyday if my heart is not in it.  I am forever responsible but this is another difficult time.  I hope to use this experience as a stepping stone to better days.  In the meantime, it feels like a constant uphill climb.

Instead of the usual "push through approach", I am learning to listen to my body.  I'm learning that it is OK to rest if I'm tired.  It's OK to stop working to eat lunch.  I decided to take a day off and I scheduled a massage, ordered breakfast at a nice diner nearby and took a nap.  I needed time to rest and I didn't even feel guilty about taking the time to take care of myself.  This is new!  Over the weekend, I relaxed with family and friends and I started to feel better again.  My family and friends are the ones who care for me.  So many of you have been sending healing thoughts and prayers my way.  I often get texts, calls and emails of encouragement and it has been such an important part of this process. (Thank you!!!)

In my work environment, I feel like I have to guard my health and well being.  Sometimes I feel discouraged if I feel it slipping away.  It doesn't take long to feel overwhelmed and the feeling of losing control.  Day by day they say.  After taking a day off and taking it easy, and enjoying time with loved ones, I realized that the joy and peace and wholehearted energy I have wasn't stolen after all. 
I realized that I have a choice in all of this.  Before this journey, I would not have even considered taking a day off after a week of struggle.  Although I am in a difficult environment, I have a new mindset.  So today is Wednesday.  I wish it was Friday but I am thankful for a new day.  I am blessed and forever grateful.