Helpful Hints

One of the reasons I wanted to start blogging was to share my experiences and help others through similar struggles.  Anxiety became a struggle in the last two years and depression creeped in after Bell's Palsey did. I am so thankful for the gradual healing of my face and nervous system. I am also thankful for the love and strong support I have.  Part of my personality and my nature is striving for perfection and being hard on myself.  I am working through this and I am trying to learn to give myself more credit, instead of beating myself up and pushing myself too hard.  I remember how anxious I felt at the thought of returning to the office after working from home while recovering.  I was afraid I would lose ground and be sucked in and hurt again by the draining, toxic environment.  With the guidance of a psychotherapist, I began to list the tools I have now. I was re-entering the environment stronger than before and I was not alone. Some of the Tools that I listed were: Take breaks.  Drink water. Do the best you can and don't push yourself to finish everything immediately. Yoga.  Recharge with loved ones. Therapy. Listen to music more when possible. Take days off.  Give yourself more credit. On the day I was driving into the office for the first day back, a CD started playing in my car.  The song by Sade was so relevant and inspiring: "There's a long hard road ahead but something deep inside me said...It's gonna be alright."
 I repeated the song for the entire ride to work and felt its calming effect. I am determined to continue blogging here.  Even the thought of not writing each week bothers me.  It is on a long list in my mind of things I have to do.  One Saturday, as a friend and I were going out to eat lunch together, one of my friends said, "What's up with your blog? When are you going to write again??!"  I was irritated because it reminded me that I'm "behind" on that task. I responded abruptly with, "Why don't you try to work full time at my exact job and then keep up with a blog too!" She looked at me surprised and continued to say, "What I mean is the blog is a positive thing. It is well written and I enjoy reading it. I was wondering when you were going to write again." I felt a little better. I felt validated and a little more understood...and I was even more eager to write more.  I also felt a little bad for sounding snippy. It's hard for me to feel like I can't keep up with everything at once.  I used to sacrifice my time and my health to keep up. With a new perspective now, I am learning to keep my health and well being as a top priority. That means some other things are not important or they may have to wait.  It is a day by day journey. Sometimes a song will give me extra energy or inspiration. Sometimes it is a caring, genuine friend to ask how my day is or let me know they are thinking of me.  Sometimes it is fun adventures with my family that helps me feel better. Gratitude and deep breathing also help.  Dance classes have also been a great source of fun and freedom. Depression and anxiety are less now, thankfully.  I feel strongly that better days are ahead.  I am still in the thick of the struggle most days but I know I am going to get through it.  I look ahead to how far I want to go and I often think of all the things I did not get to do yet. In this moment though, I will take time to look back at how far I have come.
I CAN SMILE AGAIN!!! My eye closes on its own now, like it used to, and I can even whistle again. I do not have to stop to apply a heating pad and do face exercises every 2-3 hours anymore. All along, I completed my work and maintained my home and car. I am a new person and I will not be walked all over again. I was knocked down and the total knockout countdown started. I got back up though (again and again)and I'M NOT GIVING UP.  Thanks for reading my blog.  Feel free to comment.  May the blessings I've gained from the pain be meaningful to your life is many ways.